Wanna Bet?
by Sleeping Tiger
Summary: A One Shot. Demeter learns the hard way...never bet another cat's job is easy.


_This is something I had in the works for a long time, just never could bring myself to finish it. I thought I should post _something _for my one year anniversary of being a Cats fanfic writer ((smile)). 9-3-06. But for some reason it wouldn't appear, so I had to reload it again a day after...not as I planned, but c'est la vie. Anyways, read, rejoice, be merry, and all that jazz._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Cats. If I did, I wouldn't let them run around in a junkyard all night long, now that I think about it...But I digress._

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**Wanna Bet?**

Munkustrap and Demeter peered into the house. They were lucky enough to find an open window, and there wasn't a human in sight. It wasn't that late. They were probably all out of the house. Perfect.

Demeter jumped up onto the windowsill eagerly, then smiled down to Munkustrap. He shook his head, frowning. She nodded her head towards the inside of the room, then looked down at him, giving him as stern a look as she could muster. Again, he shook his head 'no'. Sighing, Demeter jumped down to the silver tom and nudged him softly. But he stayed stubbornly in place. "I'm NOT going in!"

"Please?" Demeter asked as sweetly as she could. "I would do it for you." Demeter gave a tiny pout, something she wasn't necessarily good at. The gold and black queen rarely had trouble getting her mate to do what she wanted, mainly because he did too much for her, and she never asked for much. Anything else she needed him to do, she just had to look sexy and smile. This wasn't one of those occasions…

"No," he said sternly, sitting down in his place. "This is ridiculous! I'm not doing it."

Demeter sighed. She was too scared to go alone, and it wouldn't quite be the same if she went in by herself, anyway. She needed a tom with her. "I'll just go in by myself," she said, hoping she sounded brave, before jumping back up onto the window ledge. She made a big show of her tail swishing, making sure not to look back as she jumped inside. Then, she waited a few moments. A few more. And a few more. But she didn't hear any movement from the tabby.

Then she started to panic as she realized she was in a home she didn't know. Demeter wrung her paws, dancing from one foot to the other, looking about with wide eyes, waiting for something that would come racing out of nowhere and decided to make a meal of _gold and black cat a la carte_. Then—

"EEP!" Demeter jumped two feet in the air as Munkustrap landed next to her. He smiled, as though he were trying to keep from bursting out laughing. Demeter let out a sigh of relief before whacking her mate on the shoulder. "Don't scare me like that!" she said in a harsh whisper.

"Go in by yourself, huh?" he asked in a low voice, a grin on his face. "I see how well that was working for you." Demeter glared at the silver tabby, but he gave her a quick lick on the cheek before nodding his head to the direction he wanted her to go. "We might as well get this over with."

The two cats crept forward, looking around nervously. Neither of them had ever done this before, and it was certainly not on their list of things to do. But a point had to be proven. And seeing as cats had far too much pride to let something go…

"Okay," Munkustrap whispered to the queen at his side. "You take the downstairs, and I'll take the upstairs." He went to go up the stairs when he realized he was being held by the tail. He spun around to face a horrified Demeter.

"You want me to go ALONE!" she asked, shocked.

"Dem," he said, trying hard not to sound annoyed. "This is _your_ point you're trying to prove, not mine. Don't you think you can take the downstairs by yourself?" She shook her head. He sighed. "Do you want to leave?" he asked hopefully. She thought about this, then shook her head. Again, he sighed.

"Can't we just go about _together_? What if there's something in here that we need two cats to get rid of?" Demeter gave a nervous smile.

"Like what?" asked the silver tom with a roguish smile. "A ghost?"

"We're not exorcists, Munku," she replied dryly. "I mean...if we ran into another cat or…Everlasting Cat forbid, if we ran into a Pollicle! Or what if the humans find us in here?" She shook slightly at the thought.

"No need to scare yourself," he whispered to her. "There's no scent of a cat anywhere, we are not going to be attacked by Pollices, and—how do you think two cats are going to fight of humans!"

She shrugged. "You go behind them and I push them, so we could trip them?"

Silence.

Munkustrap shook his head of the thought of him being flattened by a human. "I don't think I smell any dogs in here, anyway," he finished his thought, putting the queen at ease. "Come on, I'll go with you…since you don't want to _leave_…" he looked at her again, eyebrows raised, hoping she would take the bait, but she ignored the comment, and smiled to him instead. Then she nodded toward the kitchen.

As they walked into the kitchen, Demeter's jaw dropped as she took in the immaculate room. Her eyes darted in all directions, taking her head along for the ride, and at one point, she spun around and walked backwards. "What are you doing?" Munkustrap asked in an amused voice, as Demeter was now walking backwards into the room.

"Seeing where we've been" she informed him. Munkustrap shook his head. Demeter then spun around to face forward, and looked around. "What's that?" she asked, pointing her paw to a bowl on the floor. "Food?"

Munkustrap trotted over to the food. (He must have been hungry…) He sniffed it carefully before sneering at it, to which Demeter repressed the urge to mention who he reminded her of with that action. "It's some type of food," he said, picking up a piece and staring at it for a moment. "But it smells weird." After sniffing the food once more, he quickly popped a piece in his mouth.

"EW!" Demeter squeaked before slapping a paw over her mouth,

Munkustrap had a disgusted look on his face as he choked the food down. "It's certainly not caviar, I'll tell you that." He then made his way over to the table and jumped up on it with the ease of a…well…of a cat, the only type of ease he could really have. "Hey! There's something up here!"

Demeter had been holding a bit of mystery food in her paw, wondering if she should try it as Munkustrap had, when Munkustrap had said that. Thankfully, she put the food down, and jumped up onto the table next to the silver tabby. Demeter eyed the white substance that swayed slightly from the table jerking from her landing. She tip-toed closer to it.

"These humans are weird," Munkustrap remarked. "Look at their fruit. They keep it in a bowl. My humans always put their food away in that big white thing."

Demeter pawed at the white substance, transfixed, though she caught the end of the silver tabby's rant. "The refridgermarator," Demeter corrected.

"Yeah, that thing," he said. "But I think that's partly because they—DEMETER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

Demeter spun around, eyes wide and innocent, her smile barely visible under the white substance around her mouth. "It's whip cream!" she said cheerily. "It tastes really good, Munku, you HAVE to try this!" She then went back to enjoying the cake topping when she felt two paws on her hips. Quite suddenly, she was yanked away from the food. She looked up to Munkustrap with a frown. "I'm not a kitten you have to watch over! I think I know what I'm doing…"

"You don't know what's in that!" Munkustrap said, examining the queen's face with concern. "What if this makes you sick? Do you really want to find out the hard wa--" He was interrupted when a pawful of whip cream was shoved into his mouth. The tom gagged momentarily, before forcing himself to swallow. Then…

"Oh, wow," he said. "That's _divine_!" Demeter smiled as her mate joined her at the whipped cream that seemed to be floating on top of a plate like a cloud. Slowly, the two licked up the cream. "Hey, there's something under the white stuff."

Demeter glanced over to see that Munkustrap had something dark brown and crumbly in his paw. He carefully licked at it, before realizing it tasted good as well, and started to much away at it, licking every last crumb off his paw, before diving in for more. Or he would have, if Demeter didn't stop him. "Munku…that's chocolate."

"So?"

"We can't eat chocolate."

Munkustrap stared at her blankly. "Why not? We're cats, we can do whatever we want, as long as there's no human there with a spray bottle."

"Of course, Munku…whatever we want. You know, until we're poisoned by it, becoming nauseous as our insides are slowly deteriorated by it, vomiting so your body can get rid of it, including _other ways_ of your body rejecting it, if you know what I mean. Then your heart starts to fail, and the seizures start, and death is just around the—Munku, are you alright? I would think you look a little green under your fur."

He had sat down, his eyes glazing over at the thought, and feeling sick just from the mention that he had possibly poisoned himself. He slowly backed away from the tray.

Right into the fruit bowl.

Both cats huddled next to each other as they watched an orange teeter at the top of the fruit pile. Swayed left. "Erk!" they cried in unison. Swayed right. "Yeek!" Swayed left again. "No, no, no…" And then…

The orange fell to the ground, taking a banana and a couple of plums down with it, disorienting the pristine arrangement of fruit. They both looked over the edge. Then at each other. Then back to the fruit. Then after a moment of listening to the sounds of any human inhabitants, they sighed in relief.

Munkustrap turned to Demeter, pointing a paw at her. "Don't. Touch. Anything."

"But…I didn't touch it!" Demeter defended as Munkustrap jumped down from the table. "You touched it! Munku? Are you listening to me!"

"Shh!" He placed a paw over his mouth to tell her to be quiet. Demeter glared at her (soon to be former) mate, before following him out the kitchen and towards the upstairs. Then, she stopped dead.

"Mu-mumumu…Munku!"

"Shh! Follow me…" Munkustrap raced up the stairs as Demeter stared, transfixed, into the living room. She then did a double take as she realized the silver tabby raced off without her. With a small squeal, she hurried along behind him, following him up the stairs. She then crashed into him, knocking him over. "Demeter!" he chided.

"There's something down there!" she squeaked.

Munkustrap rolled his eyes. "Well, then, it's a good thing we're not down there, anymore."

"But, Munku!"

"Come on," he said, grasping her paw gently, but firmly, and leading her over to an open room. "Remember why we're here." They walked into the open room, and Demeter immediately spied an open drawer. She gauged the distance, readied herself, and jumped to the drawer with ease. Munkustrap followed, but continued on to the top of the dresser. "You live with children?"

Demeter blinked at the random question. "Yes…" she said warily, before beginning to shuffle through the clothing and odds and ends. "Why?"

"It explains a lot," he muttered. Demeter scoffed and would have cuffed him were he at her level. He loved to get that kind of reaction out of her. It was as though he derived some twisted pleasure from making her mad at him. Toms!

There was a noise, and both cats stood at attention. Demeter quickly jumped up to where Munkustrap was and hid behind him. She peered out. "What was that?"

"I don't know," he muttered, his ears forward at full attention. Then they were answered, when a shrill bark came from below them. Both cats looked over the edge of the dresser at the same time. "It's a Pug!"

"Oh, no!" Demeter cried, staring down at the tiny creature with the smushed in face. "Someone broke it's face!" The dog stopped barking momentarily, as though it understood her. And in that moment of silence, there was snickering beside her. Demeter looked at Munkustrap in confusion as he was trying hard to keep from laughing. Slowly, her brain processed his and the Pug's reaction.

Ding!

"OH!" she looked down at the insulted looking creature. "You mean they're _all_ like that?" Munkustrap couldn't hold back his laughter anymore. "Well, I guess I had no reason to be scared of _that_…"

"None at all," Munkustrap said between laughs. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down, as he hadn't laughed like that in a long time. He usually stayed in the junkyard, and laughing at the expense of others was not very leader-like. He didn't much care to insult the annoyed Pug, who somehow understood that they were laughing at him, and began to bark more. Oddly enough, it seemed he was saying something different than before. "Dem, what do you think he's saying?"

Demeter glared. "What are you implying?"

"Huh?"

"Are you saying I can speak Pollicle? That I, in any way, shape, or form, resemble a Pollicle? Or that I sound like one?"

"No!" Munkustrap said quickly. He held back the remark that she certainly was barking like one at the moment.

"Well, let's see," she said in a sarcastic tone. "Let me just take out my _Jellicle to Pollicle dictionary_."

"Oh, good," Munkustrap sighed with relief. "I left mine at home."

Silence.

"Munkustrap…I was kidding."

"Oh…" He looked about sheepishly. "I was, too…"

The Pug began to bark more furiously, though it's barks were so pathetic to begin with, it was hard to tell he was trying to seem more of a threat. It bared it's teeth and jumped, hoping to get to the cats.

"Look," Munkustrap said to Demeter. "You check that drawer down there, and I'll search up here. We're bound to find it eventually." Demeter nodded and set to work. She jumped into the open drawer and began to shuffle around in it. Munkustrap went to trying to find anything on the top of the dresser, when his eye caught sight of a white powder puff sitting in an appropriately shaped box.

The white fluffiness enticed him, calling to him, tempting him. It's light, fluffy, almost rodent-like features just _begged_ for him to pounce on it. But, no, no, he wasn't a kitten anymore. He was above that! He hunted _real_ prey, and that actually _moved_, and with an actual pulse. And he wouldn't risk looking stupid chasing inanimate prey. Even if the fluffiness of such an object _did_ make it seem to move every time he breathed in it's general direction. Even if tiny little particles of dust flew up with each movement it made. Even if the dust shimmered in the moonlight, making the fluffball even more enticing and—oh, what the hell?

He crept close, ducking low, ready to pounce, when…

There was a trotting noise in the background.

Munkustrap was snapped out of his powderpuff induced trance to see an enormous Pollicle, what humans would call a 'Great Dane', galloping down the hallway towards them. It's tongue was lolling out at the side, as though he were happy to see a new choice of dinner on the menu. Munkustrap's jaw dropped. The dog was coming to a skidding halt into the room—

"DEMETER! DUCK!" The queen looked up, some silk fabric in her mouth, and saw an enormous creature at just her level racing towards her. She ducked down immediately, and the dog slid across the wood floor, crashing into the drawer, causing it to slam shut.

"DEM!" Munkustrap raced to the edge of the dresser. "Are you okay!" He only heard a muffled reply. He didn't have any time to worry about his mate as the Great Dane now noticed him, and seemed to smile in anticipation at breaking in his new chew toy. "Erk…" Munkustrap backed up as far as he could on the dresser. He heard the barking of the smaller dog, but now it sounded like he was laughing, of all things. "Oh, shut up," the silver tabby spat to the Pug in annoyance.

"Demeter? I'll get you out of there…somehow…" The dresser suddenly shifted forward with the help of the giant Pollicle. Munkustrap tilted to the side and fell from the dresser, landing awkwardly on his feet, and toppling over, rolling to a stop on the floor.

By the time he got his bearings, there was a giant snout in his face.

"Oh…" Munkustrap quickly jumped to his feet, turned into defensive mode, arched his back, hissed, and took a swipe at the dog.

Everyone was still for a moment. The dog licked its lips. "Okay…" Munkustrap bolted out the door, followed by the lumbering sounds of a huge canine followed him. He raced down the steps, but just as he got to the bottom floor, a paw shot out before him, tripping him. He slid across the floor on his belly.

"Why does it HAVE to be hardwood floors?" he wondered aloud. He was about to get up when he realized he was pinned to the ground by something wet. Looking up, he saw the Great Dane towering over him, its wet nose pressed to Munkustrap's back.

The little Pug was now at the Great Dane's side, barking encouragement to the Great Dane, who's gaping mouth was opened precariously over the cat. Drool oozed from its jaws, inching its way to the silver tabby's well groomed coat until…

"UGH!" the cat cried. At this point, Munkustrap could care less about his imposing death. Now all that mattered was getting away and getting clean! But cleanliness to a cat meant using his tongue to clean himself off. Hardly wanting to swap second-hand saliva with a pollicle, he couldn't very well do that, now could he? For the love of the everlasting cat, _how would he get clean_!

That's when the dog did the worst thing it could do to a cat…

It began to lick him all over.

He licked Munkustrap all over, with a tongue as long as any one of the kittens back at the junkyard, as though it were trying to groom the cat. Munkustrap tried to inch away, squirming and trying hard to push away, but the dog had him pinned pretty well. "You can STOP that now," the silver tabby meowed.

"Munkustrap, hold on!" Suddenly, there was a flash of gold and black, and the dog yowled in pain. Munkustrap quickly righted himself and backed away from the dog. He looked over to see Demeter standing triumphantly, her nails bared.

"What the…" Munkustrap was baffled. "How did you get out of the drawer?"

"Plot hole."

"What?"

"There was a hole in the…you know, we really don't have time to talk about that right now!" The two cats stood in front of a very sad looking Pollicle. A very _giant_, sad looking Pollicle. And the Pollicle didn't remain sad for very long, as his eyes suddenly turned angry, and his lips curved up into a snarl, growling at the two tiny creatures. "I think we upset him…"

"WE!" The two turned and ran towards the window, with the pounding foot falls behind them as the once jovial Great Dane turned on them. The two lunged at them same time, into the safety of the night—

"YEEK!" Munkustrap landed safely on his paws, but Demeter landed had landed hard on her tail. Munkustrap looked to see why she had cried, to see the end of her tail had some fur missing.

"Are you oka--" his concern was interrupted by the ear-deafening barks of the Great Dane hanging out the window The two cats quickly ran to the other side of the road. Once safe, they turned and made sure they were safe. After catching their breath, Munkustrap collapsed to the ground. "Are…you…okay?" he asked between breaths.

"I'm fine…you?" Demeter sat at the curb, not quite as exhausted as Munkustrap. But then, she didn't have a tongue bath from a Great Dane.

"I can't believe you," he said, shaking his head. "You drag me in there, you poison me, get us chased by Pollicles, and we come out of it with nothing but a bucket full of dog slobber in my fur and a few less hairs on your tail!" He went quiet when he heard a giggling sound coming from the queen. He glared at the queen, before his eyes slowly assessed her form. Around her neck was a necklace of Woolworth pearls. She began to play with them and smiled smugly. "When did you…?"

"I've been wearing it since I saved you," she said, still smiling. "It took you long enough to notice…"

"Well, I was _busy_," he sniffed. "And where did you find those? In the drawer you mysteriously popped out of?"

"You know," Demeter smiled, playing with the pearls in her paws. "It really is a rush being a cat burglar. We should do it more often." Munkustrap opened his mouth to say something. Then closed it, giving Demeter one of his classic glares. He then got up, silent, and began to walk back to the junkyard. "Uh…Munku? Darling? Are you upset? Munku?"

He shook his head, his fur on end, as it was now stuck that way with dog saliva for styling gel. "Munkustap? Oh, come on, don't walk away. Would it make you feel better if I said you look really cute right now? Okay, so many _funny_ is the right word…Uh…why are you looking at me that way? Oh, no! Don't you hug me! No! No no no no, EWWWWW!"

Munkustrap let go of Demeter, who instantly started to shake her coat, trying to get it free of second hand dog slobber. "That's what you get," he said, ruffling her head fur, to which she hissed at him in annoyance. "Now, have you learned your lesson?"

"What?" she asked, doing all she could to fix her head fur. "Don't let you close to me after you've made out with a Pollicle?"

Munkustrap ignored that and gave the queen a stern look. "Never make a bet with Rumpleteazer again."


End file.
